Shadow

For my brother

Do you read my silence
and catch lingering smiles?
I am seated behind you
In a room where speech is bitter.
Do I soften your mood?
Like a rattling door
A shattering glass,
Do I fall on stiff ears like a bridled horse refusing to bite its bit?
Do my words return to envelope your thoughts
does my presence burden your river mind?
I am watching you
closing my lids to see you clearer, sensitively.
Hand slips to your side, pockets your insecurities.
Chest and shoulders carry you higher so you project.
I am listening.
Words are cheap, but your heart lifts them.
They take off like Arabians racing, and wear metallic suits
to win me over.
I believe because I trust, I am gilding my world with your gold.
Suddenly you stop, begin again with more emphasis and less
confidence. You are lost and weary of mistakes.
I try to help, but you push away.
How can you hold back so much?
Keep feelings under your skin.
I think and lose my focus.
I have blinked and you have gone on without me,
raising the world with depth and fixed assurance
when what we seek is unfathomable.
You and I don’t understand much.
but can we ever win the heart of God?
You have begun again, now with the piano to guide.
The keys ring and heave under weighty fingers
Breath keeping rhythm, catches in your chest.
The sun lifts our spirits,
Music allures us.
Your Inversions are good and you play with delight
thrusting me into a storm of intense wonder.
Something gets caught in the notes
and you stumble and stop.
How can you hold back so much?
Keep feelings under your skin.
My heart has won your understanding,
but I blink
and you have lost mine.